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Imagine
this, a co-worker enters your office and says: “Cathy, could I talk with
you for a minute? I’m having a real problem with....” You glance at your
watch and think of the report that’s due in an hour. What do you do?
What
happens if you were Cathy’s supervisor?
Let’s continue. You’re cooking dinner, starting to unstress, the food
preparation timing is coming together--for once, and your mother calls:
“Could we talk, it’s important, I need someone to talk to?” What do you
say?
What
we would like to say and what we end up doing is usually two different
things. Good news, tactfully saying no is a learned skill. It requires
know-how and practice. Let’s get into ten how-tos and alternatives to
help you practice.
Tip
1: There are three parts to meshing a “no but not no” response. The
first part acknowledges and empathizes. The second part is a situation
statement. And the third part is an action statement.
An
example of an empathy statement: “Sam, I’m sure this problem is
important.”
Now
let’s add a situation statement: “I’m working on a report that I promised
to finish within the next hour.”
The
third, an action statement, needs to describe what you will do or offer as
an alternative: “Let’s get together this afternoon at 2 pm. I’ll meet
you in your office.”
You
have just said no, without saying no.
Tip
2: What if its your supervisor interrupting you? What do you do? Here’s
how to mesh the three parts.
Sandy, your supervisor enters, “Lisa, I hate to interrupt you, but we have
a real problem in the field, I need to talk with you right away. Could I
see you in my office?”
First, the acknowledgment statement: “Sandy, I’m sure this is an
important problem.” Second, the situation segment: “I’m working on that
report you requested by noon.” Third, adding the action: “Would you like
me to defer the report until 2 pm [its imperative to offer an exact time]
so we can meet now? Or would you like me to complete this and then come
to your office?” This response allows your supervisor to see your
perspective, situation, and make a decision.
Tip
3: Discouraging professional interrupters. These professionals make a
career out of interrupting. They start talking and don’t stop. They go
on and on and when they finally stop to catch a breath, and you get to say
something, they interrupt a few minutes later. How do you handle these?
Movement is the key. If cornered behind your desk, stand up, and move.
If standing up, move away. If sitting down, stand up. You can change
momentum by dropping something, or turning sideways. Reach for something
that has nothing to do with the conversation, or excuse you to the
restroom.
Interrupt in the same manner the use with you. Go ahead, they do it
because it appears normal to them. Here are a few template statements:
“Where is this leading?” “What’s your point, I’ve gotten lost in what I
think is the trivia?”
It’s
important to practice patience. These professionals don’t usually hear
you the first few times. Become a broken record if need be. Identify
what it is about their communication style or interruption process that
annoys you. Provide your feedback and your preferred method.
Tip
4: What about the few that don’t get your hints? Sometimes following you
down the hall or continuing to talk “at” you instead of “with” you? Be
direct with this rude offender. If they appear to be bruised, don’t let
it bother you. They don’t really take it personally, even if they say
so. It is a form of manipulation. Don’t play and don’t apologize.
If
they persist, give them an ultimatum: “You rudely interrupt me. I’ve
tolerated this them in the past; however, I need for it to stop now.”
Eventually when they finally realize you’re not paying their game, they
will stop, and even pretend to be offended. Later they will return with
respect. Hopefully, with a new awareness of their behavior. But don’t
hope. If they don’t return, you haven’t lost anything.
Tip 5: If you can,
keep doing what you are doing. Look up, smile, point to a notepad and
pen, and then return to what you were doing.
Tip 6: Sometimes the
position of your furniture invites interruptions. Especially if your
office is beautifully designed, or contains natural ingredients, like
plants. Others want to be around this energy. It’s attractive. It’s
renewing to them as much as it is to you. There’s only one suggestion –
get them to change their office to reflect the same. Then they will not
want to leave their office.
Tip 7: If you
frequently are trapped behind your desk. Plan and explore various escape
routes and methods. You might want to rearrange the furniture to that
allows escape routes.
Tip 8: Discourage
squatters. If your interruptions are due to people consistently coming in
and just sitting and talking, remove the empty chairs. Place them outside
your office.
Tip 9: Do people wait
for you to get off a phone call? Place a sign on the desk: “If I’m on a
phone call, please leave me a note. I’ll check back with you as soon as
I’m off the phone.”
An alternative: Train
others in a silent hand code. Use your fingers to indicate how long you
are going to be. One index finger explains that you will be off the phone
in a minute or two, please stay. Full hand with a wave says, “I don’t
know how long and I’ll get back to you.” This silent code maintains your
thought rhythm, acknowledges them, and allows them to make a choice based
on their time.
Tip 10: Many ways for
handling, interruptions at work can also apply at home. Here’s one that
works well.
Name a “personal
spot.” An area you can call your own. It can be a den, sewing room,
shed, or an extra bedroom. If you have children, give them the same
opportunity.
Purchase a clock sign
at the office supply store -- the type retailer’s use on their front doors
– to indicate what time you will emerge. Add a white board for notes. A
magnetic board works well for smaller children. Create magnets for each
family member: “Bobby wants you.”
The Other Side Of The
Coin
The other side of this
perspective is using interruptions to boost productivity. People
sometimes use interruptions to push them into overdrive. It helps them,
yet disrupts others. It is a habit that gets them to move past their own
procrastination and get their tasks completed. This behavior causes
stress-related illness. This can be an addictive behavior sometimes
guised as "workaholicism."
(c) Copyright, Catherine Franz.
All rights reserved. |
